Sunday, December 2, 2012

Giggity, Giggity

This was a 1st date.  This date only lasted about an hr.

Things not to say or do before a 1st date:

1. So do you drink?  Are you a lightweight?
    a. I reply, yes I'm a lightweight.  Don't come back with "Oh, so you're a one drink and you're tipsy kind of girl?"   That just screams one of the following:
         1. How many drinks will it take to get you into my bed?
         2. Guess I can leave my roofies at home for this date
         3.  Wow, sweet!  I'm gonna score tonight and it's not gonna cost me alot.
2. When someone says let's do dinner at 8, don't eat before, leaving that person to eat their meal by themselves.
3.  Don't go to HH and and get tipsy before said 1st date.  What happened to making a great 1st impression?  I know I went home; showered again, picked a cute outfit and wore makeup.  What did you do?  Oh, wait I guess he drank me cute.

Things not to say or do during the 1st date, and I realize these were said because he was drunk:

1. "What kinds of boyfriends do you like?"
    a. What do you mean?  How many different kinds are there?
    b. "You know the ones that cuddle".
    c. Aren't all boyfriends supposed to cuddle?
2. "I know exactly the kind of guy you want, but I'm not gonna tell you"
    a. What kind of guy do I want?
    b. "I'm not gonna tell you"
    c. I know what kind of guy I want, what kind of guy do you think I want?
    d.. "Why do you keep asking me?  You already told me.  But I'm not gonna tell you." (WTF)
3.  "I know you.  I know what you're all about"
    a.  How can you already know me? We haven't even been here for an hour?
    b. "We've been texting, and I just know you"  (we had only been texting for 2 days prior to this, and nothing deep, just the basics)
4.  "I'm really glad I decided to show up for this date.  I've been dating lots of girls and I just didn't feel that spark with them  It's so hard to make a connection with girls lately.  Usually if I don't like a girl, I just leave.  No point in wasting 2 hrs on dinner with her.  I mean I'm a gentleman and I pay and all  See you must be special I'm still here"  (Why thank you for gracing me with your delightful presence!  I guess I should be thankful he gave me another blog entry)
 5.  "You didn't disappoint me."  (That's really a backhanded compliment, thanks!  Too bad I was!)
 6. "The girls in this area are simple and selfish.  I used to be selfish, but I'm not anymore.  I realize I need to give more of myself to make that deeper connection." (says the guy with over 100 photos of his face in his profile pics folder on fb.  I have 10 photos of myself in my profile pics folder.  All of his photos are literally the same face and semi duckface too.  Guys shouldn't let other guys do duckface unless its a joke photo.  And they are all face photos, no torso shots or full body shots.  So it's the same face just different backgrounds and clothing.  I realize it's fb, but that stuff girls do.)
6.  "I'm just too picky."  (No, there's a difference between being picky and having standards and just being a dickhole.  You sir, are a dickhole.)
7. "Girls lately just haven't been taking dating seriously.  It's hard to make a serious connection." (says the guys who comes to the date drunk.  Even though we agreed, 8pm dinner)
8. "You look like the kind of girl that attracts alot of attention.  Are you loyal?"  (I was not dressed like a whore or anything.  I have an ass, a black girl one. I'm not supposed too. So yes, people naturally look in wonder and amazement.  Really?  Am I loyal just because I get stared at?  Of course I am!  I have been cheated on, I know what it feels like.  I wouldn't put someone thru the things I have been through.)
9.. Do NOT eat your date's food.  Especially when you specifically didn't order food and told me at the time I ordered that you already ate.  1/2 way thru my meal, just a meal no appetizer, he asks to try my food.  Trying = 2-3 bites at most.  That's fine try some.  Don't start eating it with me.  Then when there is 1/4 left and I left to go to the bathroom.  When I got back after a pee bathroom break, my food was gone!  He ate the rest of my dinner!!  That was it.  The date was over for me.  So I asked for the check while he went to the bathroom.  The check came and I put my card in.  I didn't care I wanted out that bad.  He came back and fortunately gave me my card back and put in his and mumbled "Since I ate your food".  Damn right, wtf.  This also kills me because while we were waiting for a table, he asked when was the last time I ate.  I told him 12 and he says "Oh yea, you look hungry."  Wtf.  How does one LOOK hungry?  So the date ended around 9:30.

He offered to walk me to my car, which I thought was a sweet gesture.  However he ruined it and revealed his true intentions by saying, "Are you shy?  You look like the shy type." (No, sweetie, you just aren't getting lucky.  I'm shutting this shit down!) I told him I was going to go my friend's house because i needed to help her and probably pass out.  I wish I could say this was the end of all of this.  He clearly viewed the date very differently than I did. He posted a picture on fb of a drink at 10, so he kept drinking.

9:54pm - Hey! I had a great time tonight! Your cool.  Hope you hear from you soon!
I replied at 10:15 - Thanks!  You too!  I'll text ya later.
10:20 - Your very attractive.  I must admit I am glad to have spent some time with you.  I don't like to play games so let's do this again ok?
10:38 - Text me later tonight?  I'll be up....
12:05 - A phone call, but I didn't answer.  The vm icon came up but when I went to check it he didn't leave a message.
2am - pokes me on fb

The next am I was up and at my cousin's holiday party at 10am.  I was on fb liking photos and I shared a photo of something I saw that was very disgraceful.  It generated alot of convo.  He's of course awake and reading everything. He changed his profile pic, so I would see it in my newsfeed.
11:55am via fb - Hey whats' up?  I called really late last night not knowing what time it was!  Lol.  Anyways hit me up.
11:58 via text - Good morning!  What are you up to?
12:01pm - I wanted to know how you felt about our meeting last night.  How did you feel about it etc. I like to be open and frank with people and I was curious to know how your felt.
I replied at 12:05 - I'm visiting family I can answer later.  (I even posted photos of my little cousin, so he could see it and leave me alone)
He replies right away - It's cool.  Your keeping me in suspense.  Lol.  Give me a call later and we can talk about it.

So throughout the day I was on fb checking stuff and he was constantly posting stuff.  He posted why do nice guys always finish last?  (Nice guys don't show up drunk to 1st dates and ask a bunch of dumb questions because they are drunk and they don't finish off their date's food when they didn't order anything because they already ate!!)  So after my cousin's party I went to my friend's holiday party and was with them all day.  We played with a new puppy, ate dinner together and we watched a movie.  A friend tagged me in a bunch of photos so he would have seen I was still with my friends, all day.  He even "liked"  a photo of the puppy I posted.

8:40pm - Hey, it doesn't seem like your interested in talking to me today.  I hope you have a good night. I'll catch you later.
After I got out of the movie, I replied at 9:35 - Seriously??  I'm still out with my friends.  I was in a movie.  I just got out.  Not that I should have to explain myself to you.  I have to stop what I'm doing with my friends to type this to you.
He rpelies right away - "Babe you told me you were gonna get back to me.  Now I'm with my friend and I can't talk anymore.  I guess I was really hoping to speak with you today."
I replied right away - 1st of all I'm not your babe.  Yea, I was going to when I had a chance.  I haven't.  I have been with family and friends all day.
Then he has the audacity to say - "You don't have to get mad at me."
 I said - We don't need to talk tomorrow.  I'm not interested in seeing you again.  You came drunk to our date and ate my food. (I could have texted more but that basically sums it up.  I was so livid at this point I couldn't see straight)
He just replies - Ok, that's fine.  Goodbye.

Morale of this date:  Don't show up drunk.  It doesn't make a great impression on someone you are trying to seriously date and for the love of God; don't eat her food when you didn't order anything because you didn't take the date seriously to begin with.  Why should I take the date and you seriously when you didn't?

*UPDATE* I didn't think I would have to do one, but apparently he's a stalker and can't let it go.
I didn't hear from him all day Sunday, since Saturday he said Goodbye.  Monday, different story.
3:22pm - Why did you delete me from fb?  Why are you mad at me for paying for dinner?  Am I that much of a jerk to you?  (Seriously?!  I'm not mad you paid!  You should have!  You ate my food!  And didn't order anything for yourself!  I told you why I wasn't interested.)
3:38pm - I am not a bad guy, I wish you would understand that.
3:45pm - Sends me a fb friend request.  (I wish fb had a you-have-been-rejected button)
5:19pm - Can we just talk this through?
6:09pm, via fb - Please don't ignore me anymore
my cell phone doesn't tell me what time people lvm, but I also got a vm asking me to call him or text him so we can work through this.  I was at the gym and didn't get out til 7:30.
6:11pm - Look it was my fault that I didn't give you a good impression but I don't want to be ignored anymore.  Please give me another chance.  (Seriously!?  "I" don't want to be ignored anymore!?!  Selfish much??!  How about I'm sorry I was such an inconsiderate, lazy, selfish douche bag??  Look at these 1/2 ass selfish responses!  And you want a second chance, no thanks.  I actually want a man not a delusional little boy who probably thinks he has a 12 inch penis in his happy little world..)

*UPDATE  #2*
Wow, seriously!?  Who would have thought??  So Thursday, I get an email via the dating website from him.  "This will be my last message to you. I just ask for your forgiveness and to let me have another proper date with you. I deserve a second chance with you."
ANOTHER proper date!?  You thinks it's proper to show up drunk, eat before the date, talk about your self the whole time, then eat/finish your date's food?  If that's proper then I'm the Queen of England.  And again with the "I"!!  I deserve this, I don't want to be ignored anymore, I am not a bad guy....Me me me me me me....Really, and you can't figure it out why I don't want to ever see or hear from you again?  Wow, I think my head just exploded.  Hopefully no more updates.  This is getting ridonkulous.  And I'm not responding to any of his communications because it's like that kid's book, If you Give a Mouse a Cookie.  He will want milk, then he will want this and then he will want that.  No, Homie don't play dat!



Saturday, December 1, 2012

Music heals my soul...

I've decided to post a list of songs that have helped me when going through rough patches in relationships, breakups, heartaches and celebrating being single.  I'm not going to list the obvious songs by the breakup queens, Adele and Taylor Swift.  God if they collabrated, it would be epic. 

Whitney Houston - It's Not Right but It's Ok
Beyonce - Single Ladies
Sarina Paris - The Single Life
Deborah Cox - Absolutely Not
Pink -So What
Mary J Blige - Not Gonna Cry
Christina Aguilera - Fighter
Keyshia Coles - Let It Go
Nancy Sinatra - These Boots are Made for Walkin
Amy Winehouse - Tears Drive on Their Own
Mariah Carey - Shake you off
Madonna - The Power of Goodbye
Lara Fabian - I Will love Again
Linkin Park - In the End
Toni Braxton- How Could an Angel Break my Heart
Whitney Houston - Heartbreak Hotel
Ashanti - Foolish
Brandy - Almost Doesn't Count
Nsync - Bye Bye Bye
Pink -So WhatMary J Blige - Not Gonna Cry
Toni Braxton - Unbreak my Heart
Lauryn Hill - Ex-Factor
No Doubt - Don't Speak
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around, Comes Around
Justin Timberlake - Cry me a River
Gloria Gainer - I Will Survive
Kelly Clarkson - Since You've Been Gone
Beyonce - Irreplaceable
Destiny's Child - Survivor
Jojo- Leave(Get Out)
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger
Seether f. Amy Lee - Broken
112 f. Shyne - It's Over Now
Amanda Perez - God Send Me An Angel
Evanescence - Call me When You're Sober
Craig David - Walkin Away
Cee Lo - Fuck You
Allure - All Cried Out
Madonna - Frozen
Anderson Sunshine - Heard It All Before
Blu Cantrell - Hit 'Em up Style
La Roux - Bulletproof
Savage Garden - Crash and Burn
Robyn - Dancing On My Own
Alicia Keys - Karma
Laidback Luke - Heartbeaker
Robyn - Indestructible
Madonna - Open You Heart
Lifehouse - Broken
Beyonce - Me, Myself and I
Faith Evans and Carl Thomas -Can't Believe
Deborah Cox - Nobody's Supposed to Be Here
Tamia - Stranger in My House
Toni Braxton - He Wasn't Man Enough for Me
Cher - Strong Enough
Brandy - Brokenhearted
Monica - So Gone
Whitney Houston - I Learned From the Best
Jojo - Too Little Too Late
Mary J Blige - No More Drama
Blue Cantrell f. Sean Paul - Breathe
Mya - Free
Ashanti - Rain on Me
Leona Lewis - Better in Time
Rhianna - Take a Bow
Kanye West - Heartless
Daughtry - Over You
2NE1 - I Don't Care
Katy Perry - Wide Awake
Maroon 5 - Payphone
Jarrod and the Long Road to Love - Pray For You
Sade - Solider of Love
J. Lo f LL Cool J - All I Have
Cher - Believe
Dido - Hunter
Maroon 5 - She Will be Loved
Ricky martin f. Christina Aguilera - Nobody Wants to be Lonely
Brittany Spears - Stronger
Whitney Houston - Exhale (Shoop Shoop)
Aaliyah - The One I Gave my Heart to
Whitney Houston - Why Does It Hurt So Bad

Friday, November 23, 2012

Worst kisser ever..

Every girl has had that one guy that just didn't/doesn't how to kiss.  This guy was by far the worst.  No matter what I tried, he wouldn't get the hint and just kept doing his thing.  I literally just had to hold my mouth there and wait for him to be done.  He was into it and passionate about it, but just nothing.  I bring him up because he found me on another site and memories, oh memories came flooding back.  He only got 2 dates. He's memorable for 2 reasons; 1. he's a crappy kisser and 2. the way we made out.  #1 is the reason reason why he never got to date 3.

 We had a nice dinner and hung out on his rooftop becuase it was a really nice summer night.  Long story short we ended up in his apt.  We kept clothes on and he decides to dry hump me and stare at himself the whole time in his mirrored sliding closet door.  I guess he was storing images for his spank bank?  You may be wondering why I allowed it to happen.  I was shocked and amused.  And it was comical to see how serious his face was while he was doing his thing.  He was damn serious about it.  He had his Oh face on.  So I couldn't have taken sex with him seriously after that.

Morale of the story:  Not every guy is a good kisser and some guys can't be trained.  Don't go back to their place unless you have the intention of making out. 

Too much???

Ok, so I emailed this guy my number around 11:20pm.

He actually texts me at 11:30pm saying hi and again a few minutes later saying this is so and so from ...  (Dude, it's 11:30 at night and I have to work) so I didn't respond. 

I texted him the next day around 10 saying hi, sorry i passed out last night.  how's your day going?  

He replies with his day is great, how's my day going, and that's cool he understands that I passed out. He then calls me a few minutes later.  I didn't answer.

I then text him to tell him I'm at work and can't talk now, that my day is pretty busy. 

He says ok I didn't think you would answer since I knew you were probably working.  i just wanted to call and leave a vm saying hi.  (which is sweet). 

Me - aww thanks.

Him - my pleasure, check my vm when you get the chance. 

He sends me a photo of him at the gym (Not a very good one, kind of looks hulkish but not in a good way, like the neanderthal way)

11:09am - I'm at denny's now - (really?  after you just worked out?  No offense to people who like denny's but imo it's only acceptable to eat there when trying to prevent a hangover.)  As my friend put it, "I love Denny's = we'll never go to a decent restaurant."

11:20am - Would you like to get together and go to Panera for lunch for our first date? - (Panera?  Really?  A lunch 1st date? Guess it's better than Denny's)

I replied back a few hrs later, ok

5:45p - what time do you get off usually?  (Really?  Isn't it too early to ask this?)

Me - a few hrs later, usually around 5.

7:35p - what day would you like to see me?  What is your availability?

10:08p - are you busy?  I haven't heard back from you this evening? (Hello!  It's Friday night!  of course I'm busy)

10am the next day I get a phone call.  I ignore it cuz it's 10am on the weekend!  he lvm.

11:18a - I called you this am and left you a vm

I texted him a while later and told him he was coming on too strong, too fast and I wasn't interested anymore.  He replied with "Ok, np" Not that I'm complaining, but that's it? 

I feel like a dude saying this, but slow your roll man. He also called me sweetie alot which made me feel uncomfortable.  He is a part time receptionist so he apparently has ALOT of free time on his hands.  He could have been going ot school, but he didn't mention it in his profile.   And that's 1 way how not to get a 1st date.   I can't imagine what it would have been like had i actually started dating him.  Maybe like this...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Pick up Lines...

This actually happened to me back at the club.  I was on my way to the bathoom, when this guy asked me if it hurt?  I'm like what?  When you fell from heaven?  I said No.  Then he said God must have brought you to me.  I said no, God sent me to someone else and I left.  As I leaving the bathroom, I heard him using the same line on someone else.  Classic.  So ladies, have they ever been used on you?  What's the best you've heard?

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue...

So I received this gem a few days ago...

"It is scientifically proven that sugar can dissolve in water, so please don't go outside when it is raining, because you are the sweetest in the whole world. It was raining when you were born, heaven was crying because it lost its precious angel." hello dear how are you doing?  I wouldn't mind knowing you more babe, please can you tell me about your self?"

 Ok, I responded out of curiosity.  I just said thanks and what would you like to know?  This came from someone in Europe.  My profile does say I'm from the US.  So mind you I'm not sure what he expects to happen if something were to actually develop.

His response, " I wish my eyes could speak what my heart feels for you, cause my lips can lie on what is true. My eyes couldn't cause even if I close them I could still see you. Are you married have kids, what do you do for a living?"

He also gave me his name, age and profession and said "am looking for a good girl who can really show me what love is all about, i wish to know you more for an serious issue, pls tell me more about your self."

 The line, looking for a girl to show me what love is all about reminds me of a song, I think it's I wanna know what love is.  Anyone else think that?   Ok, for reals?!  You have never met me and you literally just started talking to me.    Layin on too thick to the point it's fake.  Come on now.  We all love to be romanced but at least get to know me a bit 1st.  I just keep thinking, how many times has he copied and pasted this msg?  Am I being cynical, sure.  Wouldn't you be?  And I'm not a babe.  I'm a woman, babe is when you feel more comfortable with someone.  You started out great, all sweet and nice and then ruined it with babe.  A for effort, but it's just too thick, too soon.  


At the request of many of my friends I have started a blog about my adventures in internet dating.  You can't make these stories up; the people I meet and the experiences I've had.  So I'm penning them down for a good laugh and a good read.  I've been on POF, Match and OkCupid.  None of these posts are in chronological order.

You may be wondering why a lotus?  In Buddhism, the lotus is a prominent symbol that represents the progress of your spiritual self.  The roots of a lotus are in the mud, the stem grows up through the water, and flower lies on the surface of the water.  The roots of this flower are strong enough to allow the flower to sit on the surface.  In this case I'm applying the imagery to my personal quest to find love thru internet dating sites.  We all have to wade thru the mud to reach the surface, kiss a few frogs before finding our prince, etc.